


Lights

by BokutoKotaro



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28754976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BokutoKotaro/pseuds/BokutoKotaro
Summary: Toru Oikawa left so salvage himself, for what was a memory, to his death (?).
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Kudos: 1





	Lights

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of an angsty type of read, enjoy.

As the light fades, you're not there. Is there a piece I'm missing? To be caught up in a lie, to let go. The missing piece I had once found, had faded in a heartbeat. I wasn't ready to let go, it all felt numb. Well hah-guess i'm just so ***. I'm caught in a mix of emotions as I run. Surrounded by something I had once called love, fades into a Kingdom of fury.  
So overrated- what was home like? I haven't been to it in a while. “Who is there-? Is somebody watching?’’ No response to what seemed so crowded. It was frightening. The flowers bloomed, in the distance, was where I wanted to stay. Everything grew bigger as the view to it wasn't visible. Soon, trees in the way. What was this madness?! I want to go to the place I adored. Shuffling to what seemed a nightmare I saw. The rocks, the flowers around and the dirt which grass grew. “It’s been a while since I have been here..” Looking up, Tooru saw the graves all around. He felt happy. At peace at home. Running through as if he didn't have a care. He finally felt happy. Until he woke up from what seemed like another nightmare to the day.  
September 1st: The white empty box, which seemed to crush in, as you felt yourself rise into a nightmare. “No..No..” he mumbled as he shook his eyes, his eyes closed shut. But nothing helped as his eyes were closed it became worse in his visions. Where are you? I know you're doing this. I need you now. Without you I'm alone on the side lines to suffer. It's too difficult to share things as I wish to edit my life. Put it in bold letters, a fon3t and big lettering. The keyboard types, the keys push down to the sound of the heartbeat. Although as you slow down, so does my heart as it clenches in the thoughts of you leaving.  
September 3rd: The pain you left me in, this thoughts of mine expanded. Do you even trust me? Are you even with me at this point. I wish you were dead. We can be dead buddies, yeah. That sounds nice. We can both remember the good times and create more as we are together in the grave. But no, you want to live. Do you visit my grave? I'm missing something here..I can't put my finger on it. But of course..what's your name? I'm forgetting..I know it was y/n (your name) but i'm forgetting your last time. It's pretty sad yeah I know. I have to write it down as I feel my memory of you go away everytime. That's why I want you here with me. Feel the pain I had to go through as I forgot about you. The suffering as I'm in a condition of loneliness. I cant move on from this horrible dream. So can I just cry? No, I can't feel anything but my hopes of seeing you.  
September 6th: ‘I'm wondering, I'm being forgotten. I'm in the cycle to where I'm not sure I care….I have this new chocolate I want to try! Oh..you tried it and it's your favorite! Well it's my favorite too! It's a joy to know the things we have in common. Say..when we are older do you wanna eat this chocolate together..I dunno maybe make a family together? Yeah! Oh so cool! That's gonna be so fun and I'm gonna love you forever!’  
September 8/19: ‘It's been a while since I came in contact with you y/n. I have something to say though. I'm really gonna miss you since I'm moving. It was a lot to take in and I don't wanna do it, but let's stay in contact ok?’ The memory of being able to access you was amazing. Like the joy in finding something you have a passion for. Losing it is like an untitled document that I would need help on. Just the bad memories save in my mind, I can never seem to remember the good memories. The toxic taste of black coffee like the bitterness of your responses online hurt, what tools are you gonna break my heart with? Or are you gonna print it out and cherish it. The format you're using just to save it and use it on others was disgusting. Why couldn't it be nice even if I wanted the truth all along?  
September 11/19: Why did I want to purpose to you when I was younger. You agreed, I wanted to give you everything, just for you. It hurts to the fact I was just an extra. A virus. A pop up! What was I? Google to you? Getting all the information you needed for your little dramas I learned as I came back-? Is this what you wanted, a boy by the name of Oikawa Tooru to have a mask. I'm wearing a mask every time, not because of these times, but because of your toxic slurs. I'm running out of time, wasn't going to use it to make you mine. Why don't you zoom out of my life and post that, show your own for god's sake and leave me be. But no, I stayed because I loved playing bookmark.  
September 19/19: You seem so energized when you're with me. It was intriguing, you got me and I got you. Suck up my life and use it to refill yourself. Doing it for your pleasures. Glad you didnt press delete on me. My heartbeats rise as I'm with you. Our new favorite song, the time is running out, my memories as I die out cant change into something else, your that same song I think about. I can't seem to press skip since you're the only one I have saved.  
September 20/19: All of a sudden, in a day your attitude towards me seemed to change. Im ***.. Oh you didn't understand that? Maybe because you don't feel the same way. Well guess what?! I'm sad, that's what it is. You're making me mad! I'm confused. Just like the way you change your shoes like your attitude to me in a matter of seconds, who knows perhaps days! I'm sick of it, but why do I still love you? I can't seem to save more songs other than you.  
I'm finally away from you. There isn't a date needed, but you keep coming back like a dog. Am I your bone. Kick you to the side, you're just an extra now, or so I hope. I hear them. Don't save me! I'm trying to run away from a tragedy. So I run into the deep thoughts of where I want to be. The pitch black so I can run into you and be forgotten. Visited maybe. How long has it been? I'm done running finally away from you. Are you gone yet. I hope so. Now I wonder..What am I really running from if you're not the beast. I'm still triggered easily as I have no songs left, backing up. Not daring to add you again. You seemed to run away first into a new impression.  
I'm declining everything. Say less. I say no, I follow my own dream not listening to the adults. So I'm going to say no, in my fantazy no adults can stop me from doing what I want. So I roll to my vibe, no more dreams left to live. They are all completed, this is it. The numbness is coming. The sky is falling down, as its spring. Feels like winter comes around, leaving something to a mark. Wash it off. Off and on, can my heart just decide to turn the switch off, no heading is needed for this. It's too pathetic, but in small letters, nobody can see it. Like the use I am to this world.  
Is that me? My reflection I see. I look so pale and useless. My color as it grows back. I woke up from what I called a nightmare. How long has it been, since I saw you?  
I wake up seeing your face and a few others, the traitor that was once described was the opposite. Y/N was not like that. How come my coma that lasted too long made my dreams cry in the shade of black.  
“What is the date..? It's another year?! It was 2018 when I nearly burned in the fire..2020..I see” If only my dreams my thoughts were better. If only I didn't think of dying. My sleeping playlist would have various songs to actually share, to love. A story that can be passed on finishes. The dream that I thought of a never ending story, finally ends.  
You're not far away anymore. It's nice to see you're not the one who joined me, but I'm the one that joined you. I'm glad I lived, not only for you. But for my dreams to pursue, that's true. I wanna explore the world. See the meaning of life. The winds blow your finally here. If my last words to you were to not cliche, other than the cheesy, “I love you” why not the happy times. Forget about the sad times, I wanna see you happy. You cried enough for me. Let’s restart. Press rewind, because the nightmares still haunt me like ink slowly forming on my body. Sometimes I wonder, have I seen your thoughts. Like you turning yourself around. Let's start again, the memories. You're my last piece, 𝙄 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪. Or so I thought, all I had to do was live. Wake up and live a new life every morning. Zero o’clock, and it would all seem happy. Even though the things haunt me. I'm maybe going in circles. But it may be time to end this story, either way. I hope you're happy. I won't try anything no longer, to live in a fury. Im done.  
“I found my will to live, and it's not you. I'm sorry-” 

The boy named Oikawa Tooru, who always thought about you, who decided to move on. From what he thought was a dream, a coma. Was reality he didn't want to accept. Found their piece, but it wasn't you, but to forget and move on.


End file.
